Comparisons and Characters

So, I'm not really going to talk much about school today because I need a break from thinking about it before I get started on homework. I have an essay due today and a speech outline due Sunday and neither of them are finished. I will say that college labs are a bit different than high school labs. The professor just gives you a general idea of what you're talking about and the rest is in the lab book. We did 2 experiments yesterday (nothing major, just changing the colors of liquids). I mean, he did walk around and answer questions if there were any, but otherwise it was "read the paper, do the thing, don't screw it up".

Ever since I was a little kid, I've always loved comparing myself to characters in movies and film, finding which character I was most like. And that idea has continued and its still something that I enjoy doing, whether its a character in a movie or book or show or whatever. And I compare other people too. Is that weird?

It was really useful when I was a little kid, because I would use the movies and books and shows to create games of make believe (most of them on my own) and I would make myself the character I most related to. So when I was playing, I was Ariel and Tinkerbell and Pocahontas and all of my other favorite characters. And as I got older, I found strength in knowledge in relating to Luna Lovegood (even though a lot of people thought I was crazy) and I was proud of my tininess in relating myself to Tinkerbell and Frodo and whatnot.

I think the most devastating comparison that I ever managed to make was shortly after I watched the Phantom of the Opera. I fell in love with the movie and bought it so that I could watch it again and again. And I started comparing myself to the characters. And I was convinced rather quickly that I was not Christine or Meg. I was pretty sure that I was the Phantom. Don't get me wrong, I love the character, but it kind of hurt. I wasn't the girl that people fell in love with. I wasn't really helpless. I was the creepy stalker, crazy genius that no one liked. This occurred during middle school and I went through high school thinking pretty much the same thing.

I was laying in bed, thinking about this last night because I had been listening to music from the Phantom of the Opera before I went to sleep. And I realized that this wasn't a good thing. Judging myself based on fictional characters. Sure, when they help me, its fine, but when it works against me, it sucks. And in reality, I'm nothing like any of the characters in Phantom of the Opera. I'm not a monster who would murder people. And I'm not a stupid opera singer who can't choose between guys. And I don't know why I couldn't move on from that when I was in middle school because it would have saved me a lot of hurt that I didn't tell anyone about.

This was a very weird blog. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it anyway, and I'll be back on Monday.

-EW