September 16, 2014

Avett Brothers kinda day

Shortly after I posted to the blog yesterday, something happened. Its not major and really effects only me and one other person. And I cried and yelled and regained my composure and hid it from everyone. No one knows that it has happened. But I feel like crying. In fact, there were two or three points this morning alone that I stopped myself from breaking down. I've lost something that I didn't want to let go of. I'll live, but at the moment its really hard. I put on a fake smile to keep going and pretend that I'm okay. I'm not sure that I can even explain what it is on here yet, but keep me in your prayers. And, no, I'm not hurt or anything. Its just emotional stuff. Boy problems if you want to be more specific. I haven't felt this broken in a while.

For just one chance to find
Love was someone that you loved to find
For just the sense to try
To walk ahead and leave the pain behind
If the days aren't easy and the nights are rough
When they ask you what you're thinking of
Say love, say for me love

I've decided that I really don't give a crap about my phone battery today, so I'm listening to The Avett Brothers on Pandora radio while I drink my Oolong tea and pretend that everything is normal.

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great 
and I can't wait to see you again. 

Did you know that the same receptors in your brain that register physical pain are the ones that register emotional pain. That's why when your heart breaks, you can feel it like someone punched you in the gut. Its why you don't feel like eating or you want to sleep forever. Its why depression affects not just how you think, but also how your body feels. That's the not-so-fun fact of the day.

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

I swear, I'm the most depressing being on the face of the earth right now. But its all for the best. At least its supposed to be. I may end up in this same situation in 6 months. But if you love something, let it go, right? That's a stupid saying. What if it doesn't come back? Your loss.

Its better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love's indifference
So pay attention now,
I'm standing on your porch screaming out
And I won't leave until you come downstairs

I would love to just pour out everything I feel and everything I need to say right here. But I shouldn't. This is the internet. Not a diary. People actually read this. And I don't want to hurt anyone more than I already have. I don't want anyone to confront me about whats wrong because I might not be able to stand it. I will probably just break down right there. I hate emotions. They're so inconvenient. God, now I sound like Sherlock.

Here's the Jamberry stuff for today, if you're still reading.

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