Lately, I have become the queen of procrastination. Its not that I don't want to do things, its just that I don't want to do them right now. Eventually, that right now turns into a two weeks later and I have to hurry and finish things before there are consequences.
One of the things that I wish I could procrastinate on right now is theatre. Our class play, which I have been co-directing with another student, was originally scheduled to happen this thursday and friday. However, we are very far from being ready. We put off the performance until the week after next, but I'm still very nervous. There are so many actors who don't know their lines and lack the ability to improv, and its driving me crazy!
Last year, I was in One Act Play, basically the part of drama where the really deticated theatre kids get to work together and show their stuff. I really loved it. We practiced what seemed like a billion hours and we didn't advance when we went to contest, but we still did an amazing job. There was no improvising of lines because we all knew them by heart. We had to. And we all were deticated to making it awesome because we had invested so much of our time.
Then, we get back to the world of the semi-deticated drama kids. They don't find it necesary to memorize their lines or know the scenes well enough to improvise. It really bothers me. And I'm afraid that if the play simply flops that everyone will blame it on the student directors. After all, this is the first time we've ever had student directors that I know of. Hopefully everyone will pull together so that we can perform and get it over with. I guess procrastination is really bad in theatre, especially in learning lines.
I have also been very confused about where I am spiritually right now. It seems that I was riding on a spiritual high all summer and for the past couple of months. I have just run out of steam. I think maybe I need a kind of personal revival. I still have faith and whatnot, I just don't feel as alive anymore. Its as if the fire that I had in me is about to go out, and I need to stir it up again. I love the feeling of a spiritual high and I want to get back to that place again, but I don't know how. Youth camp only happens in the summer.
Maybe I just need a break from the normal things I do. I just need to get out there and find a cause that will get me motivated. It seems that everything in my life that should bring me up spiritually is just in turmoil right now. It says in the bible, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened, ask and it will be given to you. Right now, I'm asking, but I just can't get my voice heard. I'm knocking, but the door isn't there. I want to be back to that point where I was before in my relationship with Christ.
I feel like maybe there are so many things going on in my life right now that God is getting choked out. And I've been trying to teach my peers about Christ and being a Christian, when I need to be taught a little myself. I can't seem to find what I need at my church, at least not right now. The lessons in sunday school don't touch my soul like ones I've had before, and the sermons just seem like words. I need to find a new passion for Christ, and you would think it wouldn't be that hard during the Christmas season. But I feel like the world is the only thing celebratingChristmas right now, not the church.
Its almost like I'm backsliding. I hate when that happens. Its scary because you think, will I ever climb back up the mountain again? Is this the highest I will ever reach? I'm praying that God will fix all of these things that man has messed up. There are so many things that seem to prevent me from growing spiritually anymore. So many things have changed, not all for the better. Maybe I can find something to bring me back to God, whether it be music or a sermon or a concert or an event. Its the Christmas season. My soul should be on fire for God, and I want it to be, I just have to find a way to get there.
By the way, I didn't get to do any Christmas music this last weekend, because a) I haven't learned any and b) I was busy. Please watch the videos I did post though. I should be able to post some this weekend, possibly featuring my little brothers.
I really don't feel like having a question of the day today. Not that anyone answers them anyway.