Rubber Boots and Candles

This morning, I woke up at about 6:00, which is roughly 30 minutes earlier than normal. I was told by my mom to find a flashlight, so I ended up giving up my booklight. I tried for about ten minutes to get back to sleep, but it didn't work.  And, in the candlelight with no running water, I got ready for school this morning.

Last night it rained and whatnot. I wore my zebra print rubber boots today just because it was an opportunity. I also put on what little makeup I normally wear in the half-dark, and fixed my hair in the half-dark too. I got to school about 30 minutes earlier than usual, so I spent a lot of time reading this morning.

The girl who was supposed to lead FCA wasn't able to make it this morning, so I had to improvise a lesson. I talked about easter and its real meaning and how it should impact us more and stuff. I don't feel upset about her not being there, and I'm fine with improvising a lesson. I really didn't know I could do it, but it was just as good as some of my other lessons.

If the lights aren't back on by the time I get home, I'll have to vlog in the dark, or else outside. Either way, it will be interesting. I hope its back on so I can use the wifi to upload the video.

I'm going to visit a college on Saturday, so that should be fun. I think that I will vlog on the way there. I could even use my car camera stand! I will have to find a different way to upload it though. I may end up uploading it late at night or something. The weekend after that, I will be going to another college. I will be staying at a hotel with wifi though, so I can upload it then.

I have begun reading the book Born Standing Up, which is Steve Martin's autobiography. I think that its pretty good so far. This is the first time I have ever read an autobiography, so I wouldn't know. I found out yesterday that Esther's book, This Star Won't Go Out, is already available for pre-order, and will officially come out in January of 2014. I can't wait until it comes out. I never knew Esther, but I think it would have been neat to know her. I think its cool that people make a difference in the world, and leave an impact on the people they meet, even after they're long gone. I want to be that kind of person. I started watching Esther's YouTube videos yesterday, and I want to watch them all. She just seemed like an amazing, friendly, and happy girl. I looked at her website and she would only be a little more than a year older than me if she was still alive. If you aren't a nerdfighter, feel free to check out the vlogbrothers youtube channel and the website of the This Star Won't Go Out Foundation to know more. The foundation helps parents of kids with cancer to be there for their kids and help them in caring for their child. There are bracelets and shirts the you can buy (links on the website) and all of the procedes go to the foundation. I think I might buy some when I get the money.

I think I will probably participate in Esther day also, which is a day that people remember and honor her by just loving one another and telling eachother that they love them.

Another holiday that is coming up is Impossible Astronaut Day, which I am way too lazy to explain, but I will say is a doctor who thing and it is happening this month!

I want to go to vidcon someday. I want to go at least once as a regular person and once as a performer... I forget what those people are really called. Sorry, I just saw something about it and I decided to mention it. I can't get to California, though, so I have a major problem there.

Love,
Elizabeth W.

Disappeared!

I'm freaking out because things keep disappearing. First, the skirt and slip that I was using for one act play that I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER setting in the dressing room has gone missing. Second, I lost one of my headbands that I wear quite often. Third, one of the group members for the dual credit class project has disappeared from the internet and the online class. Fourth, I have not been able to collaborate with all of the group members for my spanish project and the rough draft is due today.

I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!

I really know that I cannot do anything about these things, but I am really a control freak sometimes and I hate when things like this happen because it throws me off and I get worried and stuff.

Also, today I have one act practice from 4:00 to 6:00, but afterwards, I have to go over to my mom's classroom because she has open house tonight from like 5:30 to 8:00. Therefore, I will be bored to death from 6:00 to 8:00.

GAH!

I guess I will spend time on the blog or reading or working on one of the scripts, and studying my lines for the class play, since I have a lines test tomorrow.

I'm gonna go check the stock market and attempt to calm down. Maybe I shouldn't have had that coffee this morning.

Love,
Elizabeth W.

Freaking Out!

Okay, so first, I want you to know that I do not do well in stressful or seemingly crisis situations. Whenever something goes wrong and I don't know how to fix it or who to ask about it and especially when it interferes with my daily activities, I FREAK OUT!

I can't really explain why this happens, it has just always been the way that I am. Most likely, I will cry if I don't have someone there to help me figure things out. And I have almost cried today because of such an event.

I got to my class during which I am allowed to work on my dual credit online college course. Then, even though I know the class won't start for another week, I logged on to the website in order to check and make sure that everything was okay. But when I got to the website, it didn't show me being enrolled in any classes.

It had done something like that before, so I figured it was just a glitch and went ot investigate further. However, it showed that I had dropped my sociology class for this semester. I searched through all the web pages to find why but I couldn't figure it out.

So, now I am sitting here with my heart racing, telling myself not to freak out, but that is exactly what I am doing. You probably couldn't tell by looking at me, but its definately happening.

I have thought about going to the counselor to ask her about it. However, I have this innate hatred toward our school counselor because she sucks (and I don't use that work lightly... or ever) at getting things done and is not a very people-oriented person. I feel like all she'll do if I go down to her office is just insult me or call me stupid because she doesn't want to deal with me. Then she'll look something up and say that I can't take the class for some strange reason and give me a crazy other option and I won't have the ability to talk to my mom about it before making a decision and really if I had just talked to the people at the college they would have just said it was a glitch and they would fix it right away.

I'm really also scared that if I don't go down to talk to her that my mom will make me talk to her tomorrow and I'll go all day today and tomorrow worrying about it. Now I feel all sick inside.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that whoever I go to will basicallly just say that I'm stupid or I did something wrong and I won't be able to fix it.

And the books that I had to order for the online class have already been bought and shipped and I'm just scared.





I


AM



SCARED........



I have drama practice today from 4 to 6 so I'll just call my mom before practice starts and ask her what I should do. I'm just afraid that if I start talking to someone about it I'll start crying. That generally happens when I try to talk things like this out with somebody. The counselor is dealing with schedule problems anyway with it being the first day back at school. She probably will be hateful and "not have time to deal with" me anyway.

I wrote down the problem on my top slip of paper on my clipboard, that way I won't forget it. I generally do that or write things on my hand/wrist when I need to remember them.

Now I just need something to distract myself.





I started writing a book yesterday. A children's book. I want very much to finish this one.

I did something different though. I started with the pictures instead of the story. The pictures were sketches that I lightly colored with watercolor colored pencils, then took water and went over to smudge the color around.

I haven't done them all yet. Only about four. I have them hanging on a piece of string strung diagonally from wall to wall above my bed. I wanted to use clothes pins to hang them when they were drying, but I only had paperclips. It still looks cool anyway.

My little brother got a comic book making kit for Christmas. It had paper and three binding things and a couple of cover pages. He also decided the other day that he wants to be an author when he grows up. I had to watch him yesterday for most of the day, so we got it out and started writing books. He still gets upset when things aren't perfect or he can't think of anything though, so he took quite a few breaks for cartoon watching.

I have calmed down significantly now. I'm still anxious and nervous and scared, but I can deal with it.

Love,
Elizabeth W.