Freaking Out!

Okay, so first, I want you to know that I do not do well in stressful or seemingly crisis situations. Whenever something goes wrong and I don't know how to fix it or who to ask about it and especially when it interferes with my daily activities, I FREAK OUT!

I can't really explain why this happens, it has just always been the way that I am. Most likely, I will cry if I don't have someone there to help me figure things out. And I have almost cried today because of such an event.

I got to my class during which I am allowed to work on my dual credit online college course. Then, even though I know the class won't start for another week, I logged on to the website in order to check and make sure that everything was okay. But when I got to the website, it didn't show me being enrolled in any classes.

It had done something like that before, so I figured it was just a glitch and went ot investigate further. However, it showed that I had dropped my sociology class for this semester. I searched through all the web pages to find why but I couldn't figure it out.

So, now I am sitting here with my heart racing, telling myself not to freak out, but that is exactly what I am doing. You probably couldn't tell by looking at me, but its definately happening.

I have thought about going to the counselor to ask her about it. However, I have this innate hatred toward our school counselor because she sucks (and I don't use that work lightly... or ever) at getting things done and is not a very people-oriented person. I feel like all she'll do if I go down to her office is just insult me or call me stupid because she doesn't want to deal with me. Then she'll look something up and say that I can't take the class for some strange reason and give me a crazy other option and I won't have the ability to talk to my mom about it before making a decision and really if I had just talked to the people at the college they would have just said it was a glitch and they would fix it right away.

I'm really also scared that if I don't go down to talk to her that my mom will make me talk to her tomorrow and I'll go all day today and tomorrow worrying about it. Now I feel all sick inside.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that whoever I go to will basicallly just say that I'm stupid or I did something wrong and I won't be able to fix it.

And the books that I had to order for the online class have already been bought and shipped and I'm just scared.





I


AM



SCARED........



I have drama practice today from 4 to 6 so I'll just call my mom before practice starts and ask her what I should do. I'm just afraid that if I start talking to someone about it I'll start crying. That generally happens when I try to talk things like this out with somebody. The counselor is dealing with schedule problems anyway with it being the first day back at school. She probably will be hateful and "not have time to deal with" me anyway.

I wrote down the problem on my top slip of paper on my clipboard, that way I won't forget it. I generally do that or write things on my hand/wrist when I need to remember them.

Now I just need something to distract myself.





I started writing a book yesterday. A children's book. I want very much to finish this one.

I did something different though. I started with the pictures instead of the story. The pictures were sketches that I lightly colored with watercolor colored pencils, then took water and went over to smudge the color around.

I haven't done them all yet. Only about four. I have them hanging on a piece of string strung diagonally from wall to wall above my bed. I wanted to use clothes pins to hang them when they were drying, but I only had paperclips. It still looks cool anyway.

My little brother got a comic book making kit for Christmas. It had paper and three binding things and a couple of cover pages. He also decided the other day that he wants to be an author when he grows up. I had to watch him yesterday for most of the day, so we got it out and started writing books. He still gets upset when things aren't perfect or he can't think of anything though, so he took quite a few breaks for cartoon watching.

I have calmed down significantly now. I'm still anxious and nervous and scared, but I can deal with it.

Love,
Elizabeth W.

Annoying Things and a Good Book

I think something is wrong with me.
Nothing major, just something wrong with the way I see the world right now.
My problem?

Everything is annoying me.

Yes, everything just seems annoying right now. My brother was very annoying yesterday when he said "You keep threatening to hurt me but you never do it." I find it very annoying that the school computer ecided not to work right today and therefore I cannot write the essays that I need to write for scholarships. It is annoying me that I have homework in a dual credit class but I cannot complete it at school because I need the giant textbook. People just doing small slightly irresponsible or mildly annoying things are driving me bonkers. I am very annoyed right now.

Anyway, I have been reading a really good book. Technically, it is the sequel to another book. I am reading "Love, Stargirl" by Jerry Spinelli. Yes, I read books that are like fourth grade level. The thing is, I can find books that have entertaining plotlines and don't take forever to finish at that grade level. So, shut up, and stop judging me!

Okay, that was a little harsh...

I'm sorry.

Anyway, the first book is called "Stargirl". I find that books by Jerry Spinnelli are very entertaining. The main character is always very intelligent and philosophical in their thinking, like in the book "Smiles to Go", also by Jerry Spinelli. They are also very wierd and also like outcasts. I sit there reading thinking, "Wow, I've had those same thoughts" or "I am so much like that character!" And then I realize that that may not be a good thing. So, yeah. I am addicted to that book right now.

Something awesome also happened yesterday. The schoolboard met for out school. They decided that this friday, we will not have school! Its supposed to be so that people can go see the games of our statebound volleyball team (Thats right! State bound! What?!). This means that I get to get things accomplished on Friday. Maybe. I hope so. I need to work on some video stuff and some college stuff. I also need to get some rest. I have not gotten to sleep before ten since like thursday night. But, whatever.

I hope I get to post videos to YouTube. When you are a hard core deticated Youtuber like me (Pffff... yeah right), you tend to have YouTube posting withdrawals. I NEED to post something (*twitch, twitch*). I filmed stuff this last weekend but I didn't get to finish editing it, since it was late when I started doing and I was on my dad's computer instead of the family computer. I hope I get to finish that video and post it. I started using a program that is kind of like a miniature version of PowerDirector, so it has similar features but its like only 1/10 as awesome. And I plan to download the free trial version of PowerDirector over Christmas break and work with it then.

And, based on my number of views, it feels like this is listed on the VERY LAST PAGE of Google. Is that possible? Is there a last page? But, you have to start somewhere...

Question of the Day:

What is the thing that annoys you the most?

and also...

What is your favorite children's book?

Okay, well, I gotta go! Bye!

Elizabeth W.