Freaking Out!

Okay, so first, I want you to know that I do not do well in stressful or seemingly crisis situations. Whenever something goes wrong and I don't know how to fix it or who to ask about it and especially when it interferes with my daily activities, I FREAK OUT!

I can't really explain why this happens, it has just always been the way that I am. Most likely, I will cry if I don't have someone there to help me figure things out. And I have almost cried today because of such an event.

I got to my class during which I am allowed to work on my dual credit online college course. Then, even though I know the class won't start for another week, I logged on to the website in order to check and make sure that everything was okay. But when I got to the website, it didn't show me being enrolled in any classes.

It had done something like that before, so I figured it was just a glitch and went ot investigate further. However, it showed that I had dropped my sociology class for this semester. I searched through all the web pages to find why but I couldn't figure it out.

So, now I am sitting here with my heart racing, telling myself not to freak out, but that is exactly what I am doing. You probably couldn't tell by looking at me, but its definately happening.

I have thought about going to the counselor to ask her about it. However, I have this innate hatred toward our school counselor because she sucks (and I don't use that work lightly... or ever) at getting things done and is not a very people-oriented person. I feel like all she'll do if I go down to her office is just insult me or call me stupid because she doesn't want to deal with me. Then she'll look something up and say that I can't take the class for some strange reason and give me a crazy other option and I won't have the ability to talk to my mom about it before making a decision and really if I had just talked to the people at the college they would have just said it was a glitch and they would fix it right away.

I'm really also scared that if I don't go down to talk to her that my mom will make me talk to her tomorrow and I'll go all day today and tomorrow worrying about it. Now I feel all sick inside.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that whoever I go to will basicallly just say that I'm stupid or I did something wrong and I won't be able to fix it.

And the books that I had to order for the online class have already been bought and shipped and I'm just scared.





I


AM



SCARED........



I have drama practice today from 4 to 6 so I'll just call my mom before practice starts and ask her what I should do. I'm just afraid that if I start talking to someone about it I'll start crying. That generally happens when I try to talk things like this out with somebody. The counselor is dealing with schedule problems anyway with it being the first day back at school. She probably will be hateful and "not have time to deal with" me anyway.

I wrote down the problem on my top slip of paper on my clipboard, that way I won't forget it. I generally do that or write things on my hand/wrist when I need to remember them.

Now I just need something to distract myself.





I started writing a book yesterday. A children's book. I want very much to finish this one.

I did something different though. I started with the pictures instead of the story. The pictures were sketches that I lightly colored with watercolor colored pencils, then took water and went over to smudge the color around.

I haven't done them all yet. Only about four. I have them hanging on a piece of string strung diagonally from wall to wall above my bed. I wanted to use clothes pins to hang them when they were drying, but I only had paperclips. It still looks cool anyway.

My little brother got a comic book making kit for Christmas. It had paper and three binding things and a couple of cover pages. He also decided the other day that he wants to be an author when he grows up. I had to watch him yesterday for most of the day, so we got it out and started writing books. He still gets upset when things aren't perfect or he can't think of anything though, so he took quite a few breaks for cartoon watching.

I have calmed down significantly now. I'm still anxious and nervous and scared, but I can deal with it.

Love,
Elizabeth W.